So instead of writing in my journal im just going to type everything out here. This year has just been crazy. I'll start back in Senior year. I applied to IUPUI thinking that I would study ... well I dont remember what I planned on studying. I just knew that I was applying so I could have a college to go to after my year in Japan. During that last year in High School I learned a lot, but you know, at the time of learning, you never know that you will look back on that moment, as moment where you learned something about this world of ours and say, "That sucked, but if somebody offered me the chance to go back and make it not happen, my response would be, no. That moment changed my life, and I would never take it back. No matter how much it sucked."
        The most important thing I have learned, is more than buildings, sermons, and offering plates. Its more than saying the Lords Prayer from memory, more than voting Republican. I honestly dont know how the New Testament has been read so many times and how many times its been ignored. Just a quick example would be Matthew 23:23. This is part of the Seven Woes. Jesus is telling the Pharisees how it is. He points out the fact that they follow the law so closely that they give a tenth of their spices (spices were uber cheap, they were just doing this to show how "righteous" they were). but Jesus points out that while they are giving a tenth of nothing. They are forgeting the more important issues. Mercy, Justice, and Faithfulness. He compares this to them straining their cups as to avoid eating a fly that would fall in their cup, but swallowing a camel which is even more unclean than a gnat. So from this I see church leaders talking about how we need to make sure that we are dressing up for church, only playing church hymns (drums are of the Devil), are you reading your bible everyday? (it is good to read your bible everyday, I try to)  but still, Do we have MERCY, Do we have JUSTICE, or FAITHFULLNESS, are we Loving our neighbor as we would ourselves. I know I struggle with this. 
       I learned a little about Romance this year too. In short, there are amazing people out there who will fight for you, encourage you, and be there for you. And there are people who dont know how to accept that kind of Love, much less know how to give it. I am one of the second types of people who is trying with all of his heart to become one of the earlier mention persons. I could blame it on hurt from my past, or on my plain selfishness and not wanting to give too much of my self away lest it be hurt. But thats the risk isnt it. Kind of like God. He gave us his heart when he first made us. He wanted a relationship with us. But we wanted an Apple. We broke his heart. But he kept on loving us, heck, he died for us, so that we might accept his offer of Love. 
       Another thing...if you asked me during Freshman year what I planend on becoming after High School and stuff. I would not have said Missionary, I would have said Psychologist, Musician, or English Teacher. I am a musician but I havent gotten paid for it yet. It was really just in my Senior year that I got hooked on the idea of travelling and making disciples. I have no idea what country I want to go to. But I know that God will point me in a good direction.

Well thats all. God Bless

Sanguine Sacrifice

Well nothing much is going on, I just remembered that xanga still exists. Xanga sure brings back memories. So I`m sitting here in the joy club room just playing acoustic songs. The Weepies, Damien Rice, Myself, Dispatch and such. I sure like the guitar.

Kyo yakusoku wo tsukuteimas. moshiifurui koibitowabokunoichibantomodachitosasoimatara. That would just be unbelievalbe. Seriously I would be shocked.

Also I have been reading about Jesus a lot. He was a cool dude. Everything he does is just amazing. For as many songs, poems, and books have been written to describe His Love, no one actually can completely understand it.

No amount of coffee no amount of crying
No amount of whiskey no amount of wine
No no no no no Nothing else will do
I gotta have you I gotta have you

       - Gotta Have You = The Weepies

Just going to write what I have been feeling and doing lately.

So I knew this person and we were really close, ever since I got to Japan we talked almost everyday and it was awesome. But then something started changing in me. I recognized it at once but I didnt want it...The world defines love as that feeling you get where you feel butterflies and other stupid things...The Bible defines it as caring more for others than yourself....I realized after awhile that I was not "Him". I loved talking to her everyday, but everyday I knew was another day wasted on me. I didnt know what to do. Tell her how I feel and probably hurt her or pretend nothing had changed lie to her therefore sinning and being a coward because you dont have the balls to do the right thing. Somehow I managed to finally tell her. She didnt take it well. She asked me what she did. I told her it wasnt anything that she did, and she didnt believe me and I dont blame her. But I was telling the truth. She is beautiful, smart, funny, and a woman of God. What I did was one of the hardest things I have ever done. Hopefully one day she will forgive me. Because I do care, I care more than she knows. I would do anything to make her smile.

Im going to write a new entry today, becuase I havnt written one in a really long time. So now im in Japan. Steve, Katrina, and I got here on a Tuesday about a week ago and eversince we have just been helping out the church with small things. The food here is awesome, along with the weathter and such. Everyweek we go to 8 different services/bible studies. Wednesday we have prayer meeting at night, thursday there is a womens meeting(dont ask why me and steve go), that night we go to Otaru University for a bible study,Friday we go to Hokaido University for a bible study Saturday we have Joy Club, Sunday we have first service, then Gospel service, then AFC in the after noon. and on Tuesday they have a theology class.

The Outsiders get here tonight after KBS returns from Hokaido Univeristy, but now its lunch time.